Back in San Diego

CK/ We're back in the U.S. after 30 straight hours of travelling, of which, 24 were spent on an airplane. Once deciding that you're ready to go, the process of leaving the Peace Corps in Cameroon is relatively quick. The sheer fact that its Thursday already is a bit astounding. Each day in Cameroon literally felt like month. But since leaving the training site, the days have sped up. I look outside the window at Kim's mom's place and wonder that its still summer? That its still June!? Its 6am now, we arrived at the airport at 8pm yesterday and here's a brief synopsis of our last 2 days in Cameroon.

Monday.
8am - Tell the trainers we're leaving. They're shocked, we're shocked. We cry, they console, and a few of them look crestfallen. I feel lots of guilt.
10am - Return to our host family. Tell them we're leaving. They nod and look crestfallen yet they understand - they knew something was wrong with us. We cry some more and pack and wait to get picked up.
2pm - We return to Yaounde, see the medical staff, get forms and fill them out, get more forms for medical stuff stateside, get Larium to take for the next 4 week. Return medical kits, water filters, settle finances, meet up with the 2 volunteers who decided to leave before we did (we were not the first), talk a lot. At this point we start relating the process to that of a divorce. I feel this is apt so I'll try to touch on it again later.

Tuesday.
8am - Meet with the Country Director for our exit interview. We were nervous as we heard that when Simone and Julie (ET #1 & ET #2) spoke with him he was upset. I thought our interview went pretty well though. We tried to explain that we were deeply upset and depressed. That we were as surprised and confused as anyone. That we didn't feel that the staff had done anything wrong. We told about the extreme stress we were under, our health concerns, our fears for our relationship, the inevitableness of our decision, and our respect for the trainers and for the Peace Corps. But in 3o minutes I found it impossible to convey to someone we barely knew how we (Kim and I), were not the Kim and I our friends and family know. We were not the happy, enthusiastic, loving, curious, funny, expressive, empathetic people that I believe those who know us can see and nod and say, "They're perfect together... They'll go far... They'll do great things."

The Country Director asked if there was anything we thought they or we could have done differently. I felt pretty ineffective at this point. I told him that we had had the greatest hope and intentions upon our arrival, that these great expectations had somehow been turned on their head in mere days. My one suggestion noted that, for our personal health and safety issues, they should tell us more before we come or less once we get there, but after this was met by a harsh rejoiner that (Africa) was "Not a walk on the Santa Monica Pier," I was a bit glum and felt that our concerns were falling a bit on deaf ears. I was also surprised that we weren't asked more about the feelings of the other trainees. When we had told the medical officers that many people in our group were feeling similar to ourselves, the PCMOs were concerned as it was unusual for many trainees to already want to leave. Our interview was short (20 minutes) and went pretty well overall.

2pm - The four of us (Simone, Julie, Kim and I) leave for the airport. As there were no flights for us our of Yaounde on Tuesday, they drive us 3 hours north to Douala where the other international airport is. The drive was an exciting experience of dodging dumptrucks and logging semis (driving in Cameroon is basically a perpetual game of "Chicken" and accidents happen very often), appreciating the natural beauty of the country (once out of the cities, it really is very beautiful), guessing what the dead animals people were holding up on the side of the road to sell were (mostly squirrels and some opossum-looking marmots) and reflecting on the decision we all had made. I keep feeling very sorry for having left so early, yet I know it was our best (and only) choice. And the regret I feel is not for the decision made but for a reality that deflated our expectations and a vacuum that threatened to consume our desire and hope.

5pm - Dinner. After a long and sad car ride, our little group is happy and laughing. We talk about our homes and banter about what we will do after we return. We all agree that we feel an obligation, a weight on our shoulders that, at least for me, will occupy my thoughts and shape what I do over these next 2 years.

9pm - We board our flight for Zurich. I'm still upbeat but sadness creeps in and continually tests my conscience for any cracks of doubt. I quickly realized when we made the decision to leave that it was critical that I was sure it was right one. Conscience has a clear window to one's heart and there are no corners to hide in :)

After Zurich (8 hours), we went to Paris (1.5 hours), Houston (10.5 hours), and San Diego (3.5 hours). I rewatched "Rumor Has It" and "The Pink Panther," talked, reflected, slept and did a fair share of airport sprinting during which you feel very much a traveler.

The Most Amazing Thing Is Happening

CK/ We are returning home. And we are more surprised than anyone. Though words seem inadequate to express the emotions that Kim and I are having right now our obligation to you, our friends and family, is certainly worth a try.

We arrived in Cameroon with the highest expectations and intention that here we would find a venue to share our skills, to contribute to the culture and to become better people through the process. In a matter of mere days, which have been more stressful and depressing than we could have imagined, we've evaluated our feelings about what we could do here, what this experience would mean to us, and the impact that it would have on who we are and on our relationship, and decided to pull the plug. Yeah, wow. You can see how this might be difficult to explain like this so feel free to give us a call after we're back in San Diego, where we will be as of this weekend.

I hesitate to draw any conclusions on our experience as we've decided after a -year- of planning and preparation and making the choice to come that this is not an experience for us at this point in our lives so Kim and I are likely still in a state of shock. But I can catalogue that our experiences here have already been trying on our physical and emotional well being, that we have felt that our relationship and marriage is the highest priority to us, and that we're doing this in our best interest and that this decision is the right one to make and is far better to make early rather than later. Whew.

I can also say that we are feeling exhausted but well, are smiling and feel happy and relieved that we are returning. We are the same people who left and (though the future is quite mysterious at this point) will find yet a new path to walk together.

We'll keep writing once we return.

Bon Apres Midi! We are in Cameroon

Its Sunday afternoon and we arrived safely last night after a series of flights and are in a hotel with the other volunteers. Cameroon is a lot like Costa Rica in that its warm and humid, has red dirt along the roads and is very lush. The food is quite tasty with rice, vegetables, fruit, and fish but i think they are spoiling us a bit at the hotel. Training begins at the end of the week and other than today we have a busy schedule of orientations and immunizations. Luckily the world cup is televised! I would write more but we are splitting internet time with another volunteer.

Temporary Hold

Hi everyone,

We are going to hold off on posting anymore for now until we can talk with the PC staff in country and get formal approval to blog from there. We are fine & will be emailing when possible, just following policy for now.

Talk to you soon from across the Atlantic!

Mailing Address

By the way, if you wish to send us anything - letters, pictures, candy… we have our address for the first few months. We can email it to you if you like, and many of you already have it.

Important notes:
· I didn’t change my name, so don’t address stuff to Kim w/(chris' last name) I’m not sure I’ll be able to get it.
· Apparently the Post Office there charges some sort of duty on imports, so we will have to pay to get packages from them. I’m not sure if it’s based on weight, or value, but something to keep in mind… might be a bit conservative until we let you know.
· Should go w/o saying, but don’t send anything valuable, anything with any bank info or personal ID info, or anything else you, or we, would be heart broken if it got ‘lost’ in the mail…
· Mail is supposed to take between 3-6 weeks, so get writing now!
· Make sure to write PAR AVION or AIR MAIL on your packages, apparently it has taken upwards of 2 years for some packages to make it ‘ground.’

If you want to send us books, magazines, news, basically anything printed that might go by “Media Mail” here in the U.S. the Post Office has something called “M-bags” that are for international mailing of printed media. We checked them out online and it looks like 11 lbs is about $40 to Cameroon, much cheaper I’m sure than regular post. Just something to keep in mind, depending on if you are planning to send anything to us of that nature. We are bringing about 10 books, and apparently the PC headquarters has a small ‘library’ of books other volunteers leave behind to pool, so we should be OK for a while.

CHEERS!

the Packing List

You are moving more than half way across the world to a land you have never seen, to live for 2 years in conditions you do not know. Will it be warm and tropical, mountainous and cool, hot and desert-y, or mild and equatorial? What sorts of amenities will you be without, or might you have: electricity, a bathroom, a shower, a TV, pillows? You will be meeting people of a culture you know little, and who have equally little knowledge of your culture – if that. You want to bring them something that makes a nice gift, and also somehow represents your background, but also doesn’t push you over your 80 lb. weight limit.

So what do you bring? This is what we are packing (cumulatively), we’ll let you know once we are there which of these sacred things actually deserves the title ‘sacred’ or is deemed completely absurd and cast aside in the airport even prior to arrival…

2 travel backpacks
2 carry-on backpacks
Assorted PC paperwork & health records
1 Ipod – 60 GB
1 Solio – Solar charger for ipods, cellphones & the like
2 sets of ear phones
1 crank short-wave radio – supposedly we can get the BBC – Thanks Josh : )
1 digital camera
2 – 512 MB Flash drives/micro vaults (“indispensable” as we hear)
Memory cards - 512, 128, 64, 16 MB
4 AA batteries
4 Nalgene water bottles
15 Seed packets for a variety of vegetables, fruits & flowers (hoping to have a garden, and thought the flower packets might make a good gift).
6 Burt’s Bee’s chapsticks
2 solar showers – (hoping for a hot one every now & then)– Thanks Jen & Karl :)
1 First Aid Kit – Thanks Aunt Theresa :)
1 nylon hammock – Chris couldn’t live w/o it
3 spare toothbrushes
2 tubes toothpaste (apparently Colgate is everywhere)
2 sticks deodorant (apparently tricky to find)
2 crank LED flashlights – Thanks Jodie :)
2 large containers of Cetaphil – 20 oz. each
approx. 25 hairties – not expecting them to be easy to get ahold of
2 money belts
3 cookie dough balance bars – should probably bring more, but can’t fit them…
4 woven Trader Joe’s bags – should be good for carrying things around
2 “swimmer’s towels” – light & dry fast (we’re arriving in the rainy season)
1 chess set
2 tubes anti-bacterial lotion
2 packs of anti-bacterial hand-wipes
about 10 razors – supposed to not be any good over there
24 large ziplocks – should be handy for all sorts of things
12 tubes of Doc Martin’s sunscreen – plug plug
1 shampoo/conditioner – (organic Giovanni’s 50/50 Balanced – great stuff!)
1 rubber doorstop – Thanks for the tip Brady
1 box Q-tips – seems like one of those things that they wouldn’t have…
60 yds of duct tape – highly recommended from a Cameroon RPCV
150 odd pictures of us, friends, family, the US…
1 Water Filter – Thanks to the Kamigawachi’s :)
1 pair hair cutting scissors, 1 pair ‘thinning’ scissors – 1 comb, (I’ve cut Chris’ hair 2X now, Thanks) :)
1 set nail clippers
1 French/English dictionary
1 copy – Essential French Grammar – PC recommended
1 box – laxatives (apparently can be an issue…)
1 petite sewing kit & couple spare buttons
2 journals – Thanks again Jodie :)
2 boxes tampons
2 bars of soap
1 compass/thermometer – Thanks to all mom’s flight attendant friends the REI gift cards were great!!
2 yoga mats
2 packs of sugarfree Extra gum – good to chew & stick things on the wall
6 months of thyroid pills
2 months of ‘the’ pill
3 pairs of sunglasses
2 sets eyeglasses
2 watches
1 tube shaving cream
1 tub ‘hair wax’
4 mesh laundry bags – 2 large/2 small
1 copy of Franny and Zooey by Salinger
1 copy of Absalom, Absalom by Faulkner
1 copy of July’s People by Gordimer
1 copy of Hamlet by Shakespeare
1 copy of To Have and Have Not, by Hemingway (can you tell someone was an English major? Thankfully, he will also be teaching English)
1 copy of Yoga published by the Yoga Journal
1 copy of The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
1 copy of The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
1 copy of Banker to the Poor by Muhammad Yunus - heard about him in ODE
1 copy of Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins
1 copy of The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (can you tell someone else was a Global Studies major who will be doing micro-credit development?)

CLOTHES:
2 large sunhats
1 visor
1 bucket hat
2 pairs running shoes
4 pairs Rainbow flipflops
1 pair of dressy slides
36 odd pairs of underwear – better to just bring extra…
5 bras
15 pairs of socks
3 running shirts
5 sports bras
9 pairs running shorts, 1 pair Capri track pants – hoping Kim can wear shorts….
15ish shirts for Kim
4 pairs of pants/capris
5 skirts – all below knee length
1 wind breaker
1 hoodie
2 pairs boxers – for sleeping
5 tank tops – probably as undershirts – bare arms don’t seem kosher
1 bikini
6 long-sleeved button-down shirts
3 short-sleeved button-down shirts
3ish polo shirts
5 pairs of pants
1 pair of yoga pants (Kim will be trying her hand at teaching :)
Several pairs of shorts
Several t-shirts
14 pairs of underwear
2 pairs of swim trunks, 1 pair board shorts

As Gifts:
2 tubs of chalk
24 colored pencils & sharpener
792 stickers
1 pack of UNO
25 balloons – thought we could set up a village water balloon toss!!
1 watercolor paint set
1 box of Velvetta shells & cheese (we’re going to cook for our host family)
1 blow-up “earth ball” like a globe but the outer-space view point

What didn’t make the cut:
1 pad of stationary paper & envelopes
1 nylon duffel bag – might have been handy once there…
Soccer cleats & shin guards
Surfboard *may be retrieved when we come back next year*
2 rashguards
Numerous copies of National Geographic & ODE magazine


How much does all this confounded crap weigh you might be asking? 45 lbs each – excluding maybe 10 odd pounds in our carry-ons. So basically, each day we plan to use exactly .068 lbs of our precious goods for our entire 802 day stay, not counting anything sent to us – see next email on that!

The Final Countdown!

so, we're into the final countdown until Cameroon. We will be boarding our flight to Cameroon, via Paris in exactly one week. In just 4 short days we will be on a flight to Philadelphia for staging - the Peace Corps' cryptic term for briefing, paperwork & shots. We will be spending our last few days stateside down the street from the Liberty Bell and all those reminders of how America came to be, apt I suppose. We'll be filling out papers, getting briefed on what's going to be happening and meeting all the fellow volunteers who will be heading to Cameroon with us. And then, of course there will be the shots, neither of us are terribly worried about shots in general, the only anxiety comes from the strategic planning of the shots immediately prior to our boarding an international flight. If one of those shots doesn’t sit too well, that 8 hour flight will likely be more than unpleasant, and only to be followed by another 8 hour flight down to Cameroon. Not to mention that apparently Charles de Gaulle is pretty much the worst airport for losing luggage, and we wouldn't be the first volunteers to arrive in our new country without all the things we've been SO meticulously shopping for and packing. Oh well, if that's what happens such is life, I have a feeling the PC will allow us many opportunities to shake our heads and smile at our misfortune and find some unique way to make do and come out with a good story. Like that time we got stuck in the elevator in Hawaii…

And really, going as a couple allows us not only the convenience of a built in companion, but also the ability to cheat while packing. While everyone going alone has to bring all those random essentials by themselves in the allotted 80 lbs, we get to split it up between us. Being married is great :) Though, I must say, the closer we get to leaving the more respect I have for the people heading off into this adventure without someone to hold their hand. Kudos to you all.

We've pretty much tied up all our loose ends in the U.S., gotten to see most of our close family & friends before we go (including a lovely breakfast this morning with our PC recruiter Brady & his wife), got all our banking in order, and sold the vast majority of our possessions. Including.... our cars!!! We have no house keys & no car keys, nothing on our key rings except for a bottle opener. Quite odd, but also a bit freeing, makes you feel liquid, like those people who live on their boats. On Tuesday, we said goodbye to Chris' Nissan pickup - in which we road on our first date btw - and we're already saving the world. The new owner is benefiting from not only about 8 extra MPG, but also about 5 less sets of brakes to be replaced, EVERY YEAR! That's significant : )

And yes my friends, the bug is gone. My first and only car, which I’ve had for over 10 years, is in someone else's hands. Probably pulled apart for parts & getting a new frame, it will be reborn into something else entirely, clean and shiny. A little sad, but really I'm looking forward to coming back and getting something a bit more reliable... praying the US will wise up and start importing Smart Cars (hopefully hybrid or electric) in the next 2 years.

This transition point is a funny place to find yourself, you have all the basics you need, but are also mentally preparing the leave it all behind for something new & absolutely different. There may be things we will miss (warm water comes to mind), but we can't help but be excited for the chance to shake things up, do something meaningful & challenging, and leave the ridiculous things that we already dislike about the ‘developed world’ behind (like the MTV awards on last night, Fox News, silly sweatpants with writing on the bum, and those giant sunglasses!) at least for a while. Maybe we will return refreshed and better able to appreciate all we do have, or maybe we will realize that all our time and energy is going to fabrications of the media, and we are so much happier living a simpler life, making real contact with people and not wasting our time playing games. Come to think of it living on a boat doesn't sound so bad.... did anyone see that news story about the new Crusoe who is building his own island out of sand covered barges floating on top of used water bottles? He's gonna go float off to sea by himself with his garden, fruit trees & a couple chickens, sounds pretty sweet actually.
Aloha.

Whew, Memorable Memorial Road Trip Over

Time is plummeting by. That is, rather than flying, gravity has taken over. In less than two weeks we'll be at staging, but I'm suspicious that we've been more busy now than we'll be in the Peace Corps.

We took a Road Trip last week up California to see friends and family: 1400 miles in some 6 days. We hit Santa Barbara, Woodland and Santa Cruz, saw Mike, Karen, Eli, Ollie, Josh I., Christina, my parents, my aunt's family and my sister (plus UCSC dorm people - what a crowd!). It was a swell time of people-seeing (as opposed to sight-seeing) and I feel like I'm gathering up as many memories of "pre-African Life" that I can in order to carry them with me across the Atlantic. And by the way, what a beautiful state! I don't think I've ever seen Southern and Central California as lush as they are now. Besides the sprawling migrane that is The 405, a rain sogged Spring has birthed a Fresh, Green Summer.

Since returning to San Diego, we're put up our cars for sale (does anyone need a nissan frontier or volkswagen bug?) and I've read The Da Vinci Code. As for my take on the novel du jour, my mother once told me if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. But I have one nice thing to say: it was an exciting treasure hunt. There. That's it.

And now, accolades:
1. To Barcelona Football Club and the Cameroonian International, Samuel Eto'o. Congratulations on the Champions League Win and your game tying goal.
2. To extreme low tides and sage advice. I pulled in, took the high line and found my first floater on the fish. (thanks Dave)
3. To Denise, congratulations on the B.A.
4. To friends in Santa Barbara, for everything.